Wow.  What a fantastic, busy, crazy, painful few weeks since I wrote about the end of my days in New Mexico.  On November 1^st I had my second knee re-placement.   

The surgery went smoothly-as far as I could tell since I was ‘out’ for the whole time.   However as soon as I was able to see what was happening, I realized that this one had been much more invasive than the first.  I had used the knee much harder since the other leg worked better and was much more dependable.  Over the summer, I walked and went more places than before since I could do so with a cane or staff.  Of course that contributed to more damage to the old knee.  

By the time I got back to Ohio, I had to resort to crutches for the few days before the surgery.  The knee was swollen and I could feel new ‘bumps’ in the deposits around the bone. So, although I didn’t ask the surgeon, I think it must have taken a lot more to prepare the ends of the bone for the new knee implants. 

At any rate, the results of the surgery were widespread bruising and swelling.  My first knee was swollen around the knee and a little downwards to my ankle and foot, but this was seriously swollen and feverish from day one.  It was much stiffer than the first.  

The good news is that now, 13 days after the surgery the swelling has gone down and I can walk on the leg.  I think the progress has been faster than the first time.  The goal, my goal, has always been to be finished in rehab within two weeks.  In April I was here something more than three weeks.     Even though I started out with a stiffer leg with less mobility this time, I knew more of what I should be able to do, so I pushed harder.    Saturday I was able to get out of bed by myself and back into bed alone after having straightened the slide pad and the sheets!  I can also go and open my window and the blind.   I walked from my end of the hall to nearly the door of the Physical Therapy room.

Tomorrow I will go the whole way!  

I miss being home with my old dog and my Maggie.  I wish I could be there to help with potty training Maggie.  Rachael says she will go out with the Big Dogs to potty.  That must be a cute thing to see.  Maxim goes tearing out, Sebastian and Gabriel rush along behind him and then comes Maggie bringing up the rear.  I wish I could see it! 

I’ve been stuck here in rehab while Rachael’s new store reopened with all kinds of good reports.   I saw Michael’s work on re-finishing the cupboards, but I haven’t seen the new face-lift on the dishwasher and trash compactor (we never use it as a compactor, only a glorified trash can!)  It must be beautiful. 

I intend to be home before Thanksgiving! 

another morning

I love mornings! I love being up before everyone else. I love the quietness and the solitude. I’m really almost a hermit by nature I guess. Give me my dogs and my books, maybe some pencils, paint and something to draw on, and, of course, my laptop, and I’m happy.

When people begin getting up and starting their day, even though they aren’t doing anything especially noisy or upsetting, it messes up the day. The bustle of life makes ripples and little swells and finally splashing and crashing and finally tidal waves in the smooth current of the morning. It is all normal and even good, but it isn’t the quiet of morning.

I guess that is why the psalmist and the preacher speak about rising early to worship God. It is a blessed time. I’ve seen programs and books and heard preachers who mandate getting up early to read the Bible. They make it seem almost as though you really aren’t saved if you don’t do it just at that time. They call it their ‘quiet time’ but I think if it is a mandate, it takes away from the blessing of it. I don’t wake up early because I have to. I do it because I love to. I don’t spend the time visiting with the Lord because I have to. I do it because I love to.

heart hurts

I am having another problem with my computer. I attempted very foolishly I guess to post on the wall of Facebook and NOW my page is ‘encrypted’ just like my yahoo email. Oooh! It is so frustrating!!

So anyone from Facebook who happens to read this: That’s the reason you haven’t seen anything of me. And please, take my warning! Facebook is a very dangerous place to be, even if you are only posting on the wall!

I’ve had a very complicated few days or week. My blood glucose, since a just after I arrived in NM, has been steadily climbing. My readings in March were generally below 110, often in the 90’s. In the last three or four weeks, they have risen about 20 points. I see a trend developing that will put me into the diabetes range soon, if not already. And I can’t seem to control the readings with what I’m eating…and keep in mind I’m NOT eating mashed potatoes and doughnuts, etc. The numbers shouldn’t be climbing.

I’ve also been excessively tired. Some days it has seemed like too much of an effort to even go and fix something to eat or wake up to go to the restroom. This is unusual too. My sleep patterns have been erratic for years—ever since before the day care moved to a new location. At that time there were so many problems involved that whenever I tried to go to bed I’d begin rolling all the lists over in my mind and I couldn’t sleep. So I got in the habit of sitting up in my recliner and running the late night tv info-mercials and home shopping network. That was minimally interesting and would distract my mind from the daily problems involved with getting everything done at the day care. After a little while I would fall asleep, but lots of times I would wake up with other decisions to be made running through my mind.

Often I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, even in the face of faces exclaiming over the wonders of the newest wrinkle remover. So I would be awake for several hours. This became so much of a routine that it persists to this day. I no longer have things to worry about but I’m just wide awake at 230 or 300 in the morning. Or I fall asleep at ten o’clock and wake up at three all read to go and stay awake for the rest of the day. As long as I slept for about six hours I felt fine.

This has never made me exceptionally tired—from time to time I would take an afternoon nap, but it was never a regular happening. But for the last couple weeks I’ve been so tired that it worries me.

On top of all that Rachael’s training date has gotten fudged around and the dat she would be able to come after me changed. Finally she said she could come and get me in June or not till November first. We talked about whether Notah could take me home sometime… All of that with the blood glucose and tiredness has had me in a real emotional turmoil.

Finally when my blood sugar reading hit 140 fasting, I told Rach to come along and get me. Now I’ve cried until my eyes were swollen and sore for two days even when I’d run out of tears. I hate to leave NM, but for a lot of reasons I guess it will be best.

I hate it because I worry that Notah will be upset at me or Rachael for me going home. Or think I love Rachael more than them. Or whatever… I had thought I’d be here till September, and not I think it will be better if I go in June and see my doctor. They are also in the process of moving and selling this house and I think I’ll just be in the way here while they have other things on their mind… I know they have things to do and I think it will be easier if they don’t have to think about getting special food items for me and when they will get home to check on me.

So I guess, I’m going back to Ohio. At least I was here for these past months and saw the sunrise over the Manzanos and sat in the sun and played with Chloe and saw my grandkids. And got to go to church with them for a few services… And sat the new house they are hoping to buy.

That will be all right until next year.

Tuesday, August 13,2010

I’ve written before, I think, of sitting outside in the mornings. When you sit on our deck you face the Manzano Mountains. They are almost exactly due east of us and slightly to the left of them, if I have my mountains straight, are the Pinos. Going the other way, you come to the Ladrones and there is a range in between which shall go un-designated because I can’t remember the name. To sit out here in the morning is to sit on top of the world. It is quiet except fro the distant traffic sounds from the freeway.

Our house sits on top of a hill. It may well be the uppermost house, I don’t know, but it feels like it. The other morning I sat out there for two hours as the sun rose from just one cloud width above the mountain to almost a quarter of the way up into the sky. It ducked in and out between layers of clouds and alternately warmed me and left me exposed to the chill of the gentle wind. This morning the sky was blue from horizon to horizon, north to south, east to west. Although the wind was cool and pleasant, it only kept the heat of the sun from being uncomfortable. I was out there for about an hour and a half this morning. I read and snoozed in the warmth and watched the dogs play.

Gable and Huckleberry are old men. Both of them have arthritis in their old bones. Huck has a lot of tumors here and there. Gabe only has one. Both of them are grouchy and snarl fiercely at the other dogs if they get too close. Both are very protective of their food dishes. Neither of them can see real well anymore. Gable’s ears are better than Huck’s. Both of them still have good noses. I don’t think either of them laid down for the entire time we were out. They trotted back and forth along the fence or stood on the corner of the deck, peering all around with their ears pricked. Every time they heard something they turned in that general direction and barked ferociously to warn off the attacking what-evers. Poor old guys. One time they were both standing on the deck and facing into the breeze. I have no idea what they scented on the wind, but both of them began barking fiercely. Must have been something horrifically dangerous.

Thain played the entire time. Last Saturday Notah brought him a baby pool to splash in. And splash he did! The pool is just big enough for him to get all four feet in and turn round and around. ( It would make a good bed if it had a blanket in it) He enjoys standing in it and splashing around while he chases the reflections in the water. Today he had a tiny piece of bone about an inch and a half long and three-fourths of in inch thick. The water was muddied from his getting in and out of it so many times, consequently the bottom or anything on the bottom wasn’t visible. He was carrying his little bone around, chomping on it from time to time, while he played in the water. Then he accidentally dropped it!

At first he was a little worried because he couldn’t find it. But the pool is so small that inevitably he stepped on it. Then he had the challenge of finding it with his teeth while the water was halfway up his long nose to his eyes. Of course he figured it out since it involved splashing even more water everywhere. Then came the game of picking it up, ‘accidentally‘ dropping it in the water, then ‘diving’ for it and picking it up again. Then he would drop it out of the pool on the deck. It always fell just under the beveled edge of the pool so it was a little hard to see from his angle. That involved in his getting out of the pool to find it. Or sometimes he could find it from inside the pool. In either event, continuing the game still involved accidentally dropping it back in the water and so on. He entertained himself for most of an hour that way. I was beginning to worry he would be all wet when I was ready to go back inside. But finally he took his bone over to the end of the deck facing the wind and lay down with it between his front paws. Before long he was all dried off.

I enjoy sitting in the sun as long as it isn’t too hot. I hiked for long hours in the sun long before we had the medical profession advising us about the life threatening dangers of skin cancer. ( I sometimes wonder how Man survived for how many thousands of years before we had doctors to tell us about skin cancer and the dangers of red meat and smoke in the air!) At any rate, I’m sixty five years old. If I want to sit in the sun I will and if I get skin cancer--oh well. My father and grand father worked in the sun for their entire lives and had no skin cancer. My husband’s ancestors lived in the desert sun and I’ve never known a Navajo with skin cancer. So I’m not going to worry.

Meantime, the sun feels good on my muscles and bones.

winter quiet

I’m sitting here listening to quiet Christmas music and playing facebook games. It is so quiet and peaceful. I love my room here at Rachael and Michael’s house. They have made it so comfortable for me. It’s cozy.

The wind is blowing hard outside and every so often there is a blast of dead leaves or water drops against my window. I can see the top branches across the way moving pretty vigorously in the wind, but down here on the ground, the bushes just outside my window are barely moving. But it all makes me seem more cozy -- especially the blasts of leaves against the window. Of course there isn’t even a draft in here, but those leaves let me know how nasty it is outside. It was 44 degrees when I got up at 5:00 AM and the weather man says it is 50 now. Pretty warm for December! Our local weather station also does a “feels like” temperature and THAT says 38. That is more in keeping with what it “looks like” outside too. I’m glad I’m in here watching the wind blow.

It occurred to me to wonder just where all the leaves are coming from and whee they are going! They are big leaves. They look like buckeye leaves or horse-chestnut leaves or hickory-big spear head shaped leaves. They come blasting through between our house and the lady next door. All the leaves were off the trees all around us. And this being Westerville, with lots of property conscious people, the fallen ones had already been all raked up. Not only that, I don’t remember any buckeye or chestnut trees around us anywhere close. I think there is a hickory tree just behind us, but it’s been empty of leaves for weeks. Wherever those leaves are from and wherever they are going, they are certainly doing it all in a rush!

My little Gable is snuggled up between my leg and the chair arm, snoozing away. Maxim is sleeping among the pillows on the bed and Sebastian is curled up in his own bed, which is on my bed. Everyone is sleeping soundly. That’s quite a different story from what it was at ten o’clock when they had their potty break. The blowing wind made them all invigorated! They came jumping and tearing across the yard like the wind was pushing them. They bounced in the door and the first words out of my mouth were “Settle down!” They are funny.

DirtyFace is the only cat visible at the moment. I have no idea where Cloudy and Andy are. Andy likes to sleep behind my chair or under the table beside it. Or maybe he’s in his ‘apartment’ house that Michael brought him. (Michael complains that he doesn’t like cats, but he’s the one who always buys them super-sized toys!) Cloudy is probably in his closet bed.

All’s quiet in my world.

FarmVille and FishLife

About a week ago I connected with the massive website called Facebook. A friend of mine posted a video, but when I clicked the link to see the video I couldn’t access it without first ‘joining’ the site. I did that, but got so involved in the process that I never did get back to the video I came to see in the first place. From day to day since then I’ve become more and more deeply immersed in the activities there.

They have an ongoing ‘chat’ feed where one can post short messages about anything. Generally, they aren’t obscene, but the attitude and energy is often pretty questionable. There are any number of game type activities that involve operating in a virtual reality scenario.

I’ve become fascinated with two aquarium games. ‘Game’ hardly describes them. You must keep a closer eye on the fish and the aquarium health than I ever did my real ones. I have to check back several times a day to clean the tank and feed the fish or, ‘horrors’! I go back and find my fish all gray and belly up. LOL What a shock the first time that happened.

There is a Farm area. I have two farms, one in Farm Ville and the other in Farm town. I plant crops which mature and can be harvested anywhere from 2 hours to 4 days. If I neglect to go back in a timely fashion the harvest shrivels up and dies. I have to pay to have the little plots of land plowed and pay for the seed and then wait until it is grown. Then I ‘harvest ‘ it by pointing a scythe shaped icon at it. Harvesting it piles up ‘coins’ and then those can be used to buy more seed etc, etc. Just like real life.

I have two cute little farms. The first one has three cows and three sheep, two ducks, a pig and a rabbit in a pen. Of those, I only bought one cow. One was a gift and the third was a ‘lost’ cow that I adopted. The white sheep was a gift but the two black ones were “strays” that needed homes and I adopted them. The rabbit, the ducks and the pig were all gifts. Someone gave me a ‘rest tent” with a lawn chair inside. I bought a second one. That’s the only shelter I have, but I have lots of fruit trees and crop lands. .

The other farm has a sheep and a dog and a crazy chicken that wander all over my farm because I haven’t been able to harvest enough crops yet to buy a real fence. I tried making a little enclosure with one section of fence and hay bales but that wasn’t too successful, especially for the insane chicken. All I have there is one or two apple trees for shelter.

I also have a ‘café’ where I have four stoves and four serving counters with two waiters. I am, of course, The Chef. I decorated the café myself as I made money serving people etc etc. This one requires a LOT of attention because just like real food if I go away and forget it I come back to spoiled food –with virtual flies buzzing over it even!

Now here’s what the Lord showed me. I was allowing myself to be WAAAAY to wrapped up in the computer and facebook. The hours I spent in Bible Study were replaced by tending imaginary crops and feeding imaginary fish and imaginary people! The time I spent on line and in emails and discussion groups with real people talking about the Lord and the Church were pushed out of the way by stupid conversations thanking people for giving me a cow! And it wasn’t even a real cow! It was insidious and unrecognized until today when realization dawned.

The solution of course was easy. I simply didn't go. My cheeseburgers spoiled on the grill. My fish didn't die, but the tanks got all green and the neighbors had to take care of my virtual farms for the day.

There is nothing wrong with simple relaxing amusement, but it cannot control our life and our days to the exclusion of more vital things. We inhabit a world though where many live for amusement. Before I retired, I noticed many of those I worked with planned their entire week around their amusements. They neglected their children to pursue their own entertainment. Some bills went unpaid so pleasure trips could be taken. Houses were barren places because the focus of the individual's energy was on activities outside the home. There was no contentment or joy unless the person was occupied in "having a good time. " I hadn't gone to quite that extent, but for about a week, entertainment consumed most of my day.

God smacked me on the back of my head and said. "Shape up. And focus on the important things." I'll still play facebook games, but only when it doesn't interfer with living a real life.

beautiful day!

I wish I could adequately describe this day. The sunlight is almost blinding and the sky is as clear as any I ever saw in New Mexico! It was cold last night, but this morning is just nippy enough to make the dogs hustle. I was up early to make sure Michael's coffee dripped and get his lunch in the bag. Then I took my coffee and came back in and sat down. I think I fell asleep because the next two hours zipped past.

I heard Rachael thumping around upstairs getting ready for work. This is a switch. SHE is usually the one leaving early, but today one of the Kroger stores is having a grand opening and she had orders to be there at 11 AM. I heard her making noise at nine oclock and, although that was a little early for a 10:30 departure, I went ahead and got up. Then I got involved with my blood pressure cuff and didn't get moving quite as fast as I intended. She came down stairs about 15 or 20 after nine. She said her boss had called and said everything was in a tizzy at the store and could she get there right away.

Rachael was chuckling because her boss has a tendency to rile things up more than straighten them out and the employees at the store were probably already suffering from stress exhaustion. She has a talent for looking chaos over and discovering which string to pull that will straighten out the mess. Then she diplomatically straightens the whole thing out. I'm sure Monna was looking forward to her arriving and doing just that.

Oh! I'm so glad those days are over for me. I always did my job, but I never enjoyed telling other people what to do... I much preferred being with the kids, teaching them and having fun. Rachael gets her take-charge attitude and ability from her Navajo heritage. Navajo women are strong and never afraid of speaking their minds.

I'm going to trundle on down the road now. Maybe I'll sit out side in my new jacket and enjoy the sunshine. I hope your day is as beautiful as mine.

about me

I just realized that I've been writing a long while and not really said anything bout myself. So I'll remedy that.

I grew up in a medium sized town in mid-Ohio. I had parents who raised me up in the nurture of the Lord. They taught my brother and me that we must read the Bible independently from as long as I can remember. I'm always surprised, even after all these years, to find that there are lots of Christians who seldom read the Bible except in church service. That was something completely foreign to me. We were read Bible stories and scriptures when I was young and I had grandparents who had well worn Bibles on their kitchen table and bedside table and end tables handy to reach all the time. I don't remember very many shiny well kept bibles, except once when mom sent her and dad's bibles off to have them recovered.. There were family Bibles and reference bibles in almost any room of the house and they were used. So it is strange to me when I try to imagine people who feel they are saved, but seldom read their Bible.

My mom and dad shared teaching responsibilities for the youth group and for the junior boys at our congregation. I remember my dad entertaining my brother and me in one of the Sunday school rooms in the church basement while Mom oversaw the youth group. He had a box of colored chalk and he would tell us bible stories and illustrate them for us. We were too young to be in youth group, but we did get to go along on all the hikes and weiner roasts and fellowship parties. We were treated like everyone's little brother and sister.

When I was about eight or ten, there was a junior boys' Sunday School class that was the terror of the church. They had chased several teachers out with their rambunctiousness. The pastor asked my Dad if he would take it. Dad had a great sense of fun and enjoyed doing active things, but his face had contours that could easily look very severe. His frown was like the wrath of God. He had no problems with the boys. I'm not sure just what they thought he would do to them if they didn't listen. I'm sure he never shook anybody till their teeth rattled but they may have thought he might. He had that kind of countenance. But they all loved him. They listened in class and then on weekends they camped and hiked and played ball--all the things junior age boys loved to do. Years later they still came around.

My grandma and grandpa on mom's side were from southern Ohio, he raised sheep and pigs and farm produce, etc and Grandma raised kids. Grandpa drove a tinker's wagon on long routes around the countryside selling vegetables and odds and ends of stuff. The boys worked on the farm. Grandma and Grandpa had 13 kids. They grew up with a strong work ethic and there was not a lazy one in the bunch. From those kids there were two preachers, three sunday school teachers and one preacher's wife. Of the 12 kids, only three were not living for the Lord the whole time I knew them.

On my dad's side, I never knew my grandmother. She died when my dad was only four or five years old. I don't even remember my step grandma, although Mom said she was thrilled that they taught me to call her 'grandma' She must have died before I was very old. My grandpa, Pop, I can barely remember. He wasn't well and Mom and Dad lived with him and took care of him while I was very young. (hmm, I just had a thought! I can't remember where his bedroom was!!! Ha. I just thought of that. I distinctly remember him sitting in his rocking chair in the big dining room, but I don't remember his bedroom. I guess he just lived in that rocking chair. lol That's funny--I'll have to ask my brother where he slept, but I doubt he'll remember. He is three years younger than I am.)

The only "grandparents" that I knew from dad's family were actually the childless couple who raised him. Dad's mother had tuberculosis when he was born and Pop hired this couple to care for the new baby. They very nearly raised my dad until Pop remarried after his wife died. Even then, they only lived a few blocks away and he spent a lot of time with them. I called them "Ma and Pappy." Ma was a Nazarene preacher in the days when there was a stigma against women ministers in the Nazarene church. So you can imagine the kind of righteous woman she was.

She and Pappy read the Bible for 'entertainment.' Seriously, where other people would read a magazine, watch TV or crochet, Ma and Pappy would read the Bible to each other. I remember them sitting and reading at their old kitchen table with coffee and crumbs scattered around a plate of cold bacon. I remember thinking that was a kind of strange thing, even though I was raised in a bible reading family. Pappy liked to listen to the Grand Ole Opry on the radio, but Ma thought it was wicked. (How mild compared to today's music. oh what she would have to say now!) Ma had sugar diabetes in the days before insulin was much known. A knock on the shin always resulted in nasty sores and ulcers that she had to treat several times a day... My dad and mom bought a farm for them to live on in their retirement years. They had such a small income they coudn't afford to rent or even pay a mortgage for their own home. I'm not sure but what Dad paid the electric and bought them coal for heat,too.

They were just about my favorite people when I was little. I used to stay with them overnight lots of times. Pappy always bought us marshmallow circus peanuts and orange gummy slices. I don't know if they even make that kind of candy any more. When ma was ill just before she died, they lived with us. Then after her death Pappy lived with us until he went to a rest home when Mom couldn't be there with him enough because of her job. I remember him sitting on his bed reading his Bible or just holding it in his lap.

I've never really considered my godly heritage to have been anything special, but looking at it in black and white... What a fantastic blessing.

six in the morning

Well, lookee here! It's six o'clock in the morning and I'm all bright eyed and bushy tailed! Today appears that it will be more profitable than yesterday. Now don't anybody think I'm gonna move mountains or shake the world. My busy days usually consist in letting the dogs in and out, having Bible study and posting on the devotional and study groups where I'm a member, washing a few (a very few) dishes. If Rachael brings me a basket-full of clothes, I'll fold them or do a little hand sewing, but it is never anything that requires standing or walking around for very long at all. I can walk to the kitchen, get Rachael's eggs set to boil, turn on the coffee pot and assemble the makings of Michael's lunch.

Then I have to sit down for a while and make the sandwich, etc. This isn't because I'm tired or breathless, but only because that is about as long as I can stand until my knees begin hurting badly enough that I have to allow them to rest.

I watch Rachael running around here after work, straightening and vacuuming, carrying laundry, getting supper started, shooing the dogs, doing all the myriad of things necessary to keep a good house, step, step, step, bend, stoop, stoop, bend, up and down, step, step, run. I can remember the days when I used to do that, but those days are past. We take the functioning of our bodies so much for granted when it all works right. I am a little in awe when I see people hustling around on knees that are working smoothly, it seems almost like a dream or imaginary story.

Michael has a pair of pants laying on my dresser that he wants me to put another button on. Only I don't have a button that is large enough or the right color. I have a night gown that needs the seam stitched back. Maybe I'll get to those today if I can track down a button. I keep thinking I'm going to ask Rachael to get me a couple extra spools of thread so I can match the material a little better. I have gray thread and white--I really can't fix black buttons on blaack pants with gray thread...hmm it will look a little strange. I don't care that much about the nightgown, if I watch what I'm doing I can conceal the gray thread among the gathers and lacy parts. And after all, the point for me is to keep the nightgown together, not to have any one admire the color match. lol

You know, hand sewing is almost a thing of the past--in fact mending is almost a thing of the past. People today don't fix things; they just throw them away and get something new. When I first moved down here with R & M within just a few days I had a pile of things that they asked if I could mend for them. Michael had saved his things because they were his favorites. (I think he was hoping that a clothes fairy would wave her magic wand and they would be miraculously whole again! He certainly had no idea of how to fix them!) Rachael had saved hers because she knew they were repairable but she was too clumsey with a needle and thread to do it.

When Mom came the problem was solved. I had seams on t-shirts and pretty blouses, snagged and torn sweaters, jackets with torn pockets and a pile of jeans that each needed a button on the waist. Rachael's sewing box consisted of her grandma's little antique compact with two needles and a half dozen straight pins and a couple spools of thread. Mine was packed away. But I made do. If you stitch carefully enough even mismatched thread can be hidden when you repair a seam. Of course, Rachael still doesn't sew very well because Mom's here to do it. Maybe she's hoping it will just ooze into her pores if she watches me.

Well, in a very few minutes I have to go and have a bite ready for Michael to eat so I'd better get off here for the time being. Don't get the idea this is a 'have to' kind of thing. I do it because I enjoy it and it's one of the few things I can do as far as housekeeping is concerned. When I say "have to" it is a time constraint kind of thing not a response to anyone's demands.

lazy day

I've had the laziest day today, didn't do diddly. Now granted I don't usually rush all around. It isn't possible to rush around on crutches, but I generally do something profitable! I woke up early as usual, and trekked on out to get Rachael a bite to eat and fix Michael's lunch. I DID stay up until Rachael got going, then I left Michael's lunch pak on the counter--all packed--and put his strudel in the toaster. All that had to be done was pour the coffee and push the handle down on the toaster. And here is the pathetic part, I went back in my sitting room and sat down and snoozed! That hardly ever happens.

Notah called a little while later on his way to work. That is a big red highlight to my day. We never talk about earth moving things but I love when he calls. Thank goodness for verizon wireless and their network. the hours I spend on the phone with him and Kerra would break my very small bank. I have to feel so sorry for mothers in the days before cell phones and even regular telephones. I think of my mother-in-law whose children scattered all over and she only got to be with them when they came home. Louie moved to Ohio and she went months without seeing him. Others moved to Arizona and Colorado. Of course, with no phones on the reservation she could never talk with him. And not just her but all the mothers who must have grieved to think about their kids so far out of touch. My heart would truly break if I couldn't talk with Notah regularly--three or four times a week. Thank the Lord for verizon wireless and their free minutes to other verizon customers!

I didn't take my shower until two oclock and just a short while later Rachael came home from work!

Tomorrow will be better.

see what I can do!

For a long time I have been a little envious of those who can create graphics 'out of thin air.' I know how to copy and paste and I have a group of friends who create these neat graphics and post them to be "snagged" into my album. Yeah, yeah. I can "talk the talk," but I haven't a clue how to 'walk the walk" Give me a pencil or paint and I can create picture from scratch, but I can't do it on the computer...

Not until I found this website, FotoFlexer. ( http://fotoflexer.com/ ) Different people had recommended sites to me, but they all required that you pay to download the program. I didn't want to pay for something I wasn't sure I would be able to use. I know the computer geeks tell us that anybody can work their program, but I have news for them. I can't even follow their simplified directions. Part of it is that I'm a complete illiterate at understanding computers. And part of it is that they know computers so thoroughy that even when they try to simplify the directions, they are still assuming I know things that I don't. And all those letters- URL, http, jpg- what is THAT all about. For them these basics are so common that they don't realize that the stupids of us have never even dreamed of them.

Anyway, I found this free use site, FotoFlexer. And very timidly I worked thorugh their first "edit a sample photo" with one of the three photos they supplied. I could do it! Then I got a little braver. The button below the sample pictures said, "edit photos from your computer." I have a wealth of photos on my computer so, brave one, I tried! How fantastic! Now I know how to take one of my photos, add a text, scripture, saying, or greeting and save it to post here, there or the other place.

I was so excited that I lost the very first one I did. I forgot to save it before I went on to try again, but here is the second.

While I'm thinking about it.. I used the phrases talk the talk and walk the walk earlier. I've heard this used so frequently by religious folks. They say you have to talk the talk and walk the walk. But they have no idea what walking the walk means. They talk about salvation and how Jesus can change our lives and make a difference. They know all the pat phrases and you can almost recognize their denominational background as soon as they open their mouths. But then when we look at their life, it is no different from their old life except that every chance they get they begin quoting scripture and encouraging you to 'be born again' and 'accept Christ as you personal Savior'

Now even sinners can tell the difference between a hypocrit and a true child of God. In fact they are probably much better at it that many Christians. The problem is some individuals make so much noise talking the talk, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth of the sinner who says to himself, "Why should I accept Christ when they don't live any different that I do?" And you know, they have a point.

Living the life (walking the walk) has a much much greater impact on people than all the talking anyone could ever do. One of the scriptures that has always impacted strongly on my life was Peter's admonition: be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear. The phrase that my that holds my attention is being ready "to give an answer" for the hope within us. This to me, implies that walking the walk comes first. If we are walking the walk, then sinners are going to want to know why.

We get all wrapped up in the fact that Jesus sent the disciples into all the world to preach the gospel. We get involved in the thought that we are to witness. We are supposed to testify of Jesus power. What we neglect to notice is that with the apostles and Christ and all the great ministers of God through the ages, the witnessing, the preaching, the testifying have followed their living a life for God.

We cannot get so involved in witnessing that we neglect to walk the walk. If we are to have any impact for the Lord in this world, we must live the life, walk the walk that is pleasing to God. Trust me when I say, that godly life will be a witness without your ever saying a word.

It is a beautiful day here today. After days of humidity and heat, we had 68 degrees last night. When I opened the door for the dogs this morning they bounced out like they were on springs. Last night Michael played with Maxim and his frizbee in the yard. He chased it but it was so humid it seemed like he couldn't pant fast enough. This morning it was different-- cool and pleasant. I think I may have lunch on the deck today. It is so pretty.

Tomorrow is Michael's birthday. Rachael says things have improved over the years. He used to celebrate the event for the entire month. Then he gradually reduced it to a week and now they have it down to one weekend! His sister bought him tickets for a music concert in Cincinnati tonght. They are leaving as soon as he gets off work and showered to attend the concert and spend the night so they can come home fresh in the morning. THEN they are going to Zoombezi Lake on Saturday! It's a water park with slides and splashes and wave pools. How old did I say he is??? Hmmm. Ten maybe? LOL

So the dogs 'n' I will be holding down the fort by ourselves for a couple days.

Rachael's new assignment for Krogers is going well. They instituted a new computer program for all their stores. Lien accounting is a fairly straightforward system (as I gather from what she has said to me) from a bookkeeping angle, but it has a lot of precise steps to reach the end. And omitting one step or putting the numbers on the wrong line messes with the totals. This is one time when her dyslexia has stood her in good stead. Over the years she has been forced to be very precise and very organized in order because her mindreverses letters and numerals. To keep things straight she has learned to be very structured. And that is exactly what is required to work this system.

I'm proud of her. She and her partner/supervisor seem to be the only two trainers in the area who have the process down. They 'went live' in their own two stores and only two or three days into the kickoff period began getting calls and being sent to the other stores as trouble-shooters. They have run around to a lot of stores who had their own trainers, but who were so messed up that the store trainers couldn't get it straightened out. So my Rachael had to go do them! Yes! The other nice thing is that running to all those stores. makes for a fantastic mileage expense check!

I think I'll go get lunch and take it outside.

it's five oclock in the morning

Rachael had to be at work this morning at five o'clock. I know she is thirty years old and very capable of getting herself up and going, but hey, I'm usually awake so why not take a few minutes and make sure there's coffee and a bagel waiting for her when she comes downstairs. I know, but it's just a Mom-thing.

I did this for Rachael from almost the time I moved here. I didn't feel strange doing it for her because she was, after all, my daughter and of course I could say, "Here eat this, you can't go off to work on an empty stomach." I didn't feel quite so free about saying the same thing to Michael. He wasn't actually my real son and I wasn't sure I 'mothering him' would be acceptable. LOL

Then I found out he'd kind of like it, too! So now I got Rachael off and I have two hours till I send Michael off. I was generally up with Notah when I was in NM. Although I wasn't able to fix him breakfast. I made sure his coffee started cooking at three thirty. It was still nice to have that time with him.

Now I'm sitting here in the quiet with soft music playing, remembering old brother Runion teaching on Ecclesiastes 12 in an early morning prayer service during campmeeting when I was probably 18. He made the imagery come alive for me that morning. He must have been in his 70's then and that age seemed far away for me. Now it is only a few very few years off and I'm understanding more and more of what the "Preacher" was talking about. Especially I remember in these early mornings the portion about "ris[ing] up at the voice of the bird." After years of waking up at six in the morning and another 20 of getting out of bed at five, I'm still an early riser. In fact I wake up earlier now than ever.

It's funny. One would think that retirement would mean sleeping until ten. I guess the body establishes its own time clock after 60 years and just continues to operate on that schedule even if you don't have to get to work on time. It is nice though. I get to see my kids in the morning and know they have hot coffee and a bit of something in their tummies to start the day. but then it gives me this time in the quiet of the day.

It's nice.

desert morning

It’s morning in the desert. The silence, even in our little housing development, is overwhelming. Heaven and earth seem very close to one another and Man is like dust on the balance. The mountains are steel gray underneath the huge vault of our blue sky and the sun is dazzling. Shadows are long behind the sagebrush and rabbit bushes; every stem is highlighted by the bright sun on one side and the deep shade on the other. And the quiet, the quiet is like a fluffy comforter over everything.

There is a cool breeze coming in the window. It must be blowing all the way from the mountains, maybe even the Pacific, carrying the fragrance of pine and sage and juniper. It has moist underscents this morning that make me think there must have been a sprinkle of rain somewhere this morning. The desert sand and plants have a light but distinctive fragrance when a bit of moisture falls on it. If we could bottle it I’d keep it with me for memory’s sake when I go back east.

I watched two meadowlarks playing in the wind earlier. One settled on a fence post and the other soared up until I lost it in the blue of the sky. To me, the name ‘meadowlark” implies green pastures with bubbling brooks running through them. Why is it then that I’ve seen more meadowlarks here in the desert than I ever saw in Ohio? They love to sit on fence posts here and on the tips of the sagebrush and sing. When a meadowlark sings, he throws his head back and opens his beak and sings to the heavens. His pleasure in the song is evident in every part of him.

It will soon be time for the sound of the mocking bird that sings in the tree by our kitchen window. He regularly tries to prove there are at least three different species of birds living in the same tree at the same time. I’ve only glimpsed him once, but he makes himself very evident every day. I’m still waiting for our resident road runner to put in an appearance. He makes his circuit around the house every morning around nine o’clock. That’s one thing I like about living here in the Belen area; we have road runners. Rock Springs is too high in elevation for them and I only saw one the entire 10+ years I lived there. They are such sassy, presumptuous birds, thinking they can match anything on two or four legs and claiming every foot of land their long legs can cover. I like ‘em.

Some piece of heavy equipment just started up down the hill closer to the road. Seth just woke up and clicked on cartoons. Kerra came in and started a cycle on the dishwasher. All normal Saturday activities. I’m glad I found the quietness first.

days going by

At 7:30 everyone is up and gone. Notah left for work at 4:00, Kerra and the kids left for school and errands at 7:00. I let the dogs out one more time and eat some 'no-carb" breakfast and settle down with my laptop. I am exceedingly thankful for my laptop.

Rachael and Michael encouraged me to get one because sitting at a desk for any length of time was very hard on my knees. I kept putting it off until I moved to Columbus with them. Then my computer was packed away and I used their laptop. It was wonderful. I could sit in my recliner with my feet up and be on the computer for hours if I wanted to! Then Michael brought me a special offer flyer from Dell and I was dead in the water!

I ordered one immediately and because I was paying cash, they gave me a $100 coupon that I could use on any other Dell product. I turned right around and got Michael a GPS and Rachael a MP3 player. LOL I know they wanted me spend a whole lot MORE than $100 but I didn't, only about 20 dollars for tax and shipping. So now I have a laptop and Michael n Rachael won't get lost.

I don’t think I have ever lived such a “busy” life as I have since I came to Belen. I never realized how calm and ordered my life was. My family here is constantly doing and going. I guess there is nothing wrong with it, but it doesn’t contribute to a calm lifestyle. And I don’t really mean that negatively. It just isn’t what I’m used to.

My days have always flowed along like deep waters, sometimes rushing, sometimes slowing, but always contained and controlled. I attribute that to the power of God controlling everything. It goes all the way back to my childhood with godly parents. I don’t ever remember my mom and dad arguing or fighting. Money and the household and decisions happened without any conflict. And it was peaceful. That meant very little to me then, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to see how much that atmosphere influenced me when I became an adult.

So I guess from my parents or somewhere along the line of my years I learned to let go and let God manage me. And when He managed ME, He managed all the other things connected to my life too—my job, my home, my kids, my worries and my joys. Why is it that you only appreciate things when they are past?

Too much, too late!

I’m finally getting my system back on track. For the past two days I’ve paid the price of too much coffee too late in the day. Several years ago I nearly lived on coffee, well not literally, but you know what I mean.

One day I was rushing around to take some supplies to one of the satellite sites and I had a sudden cutting and enduring pain in the bottom of my chest. I have a pretty high pain thresh-hold but this one made me stop a minute or two and notice it. I finished loading the van but the pain persisted. It was so severe that instead of going to the site I drove to the doctor’s office. I went in to the receptionist and said, “Either I’m having a heart attack or this is the absolute worst case of heartburn ever!!”

That got me into an examination room immediately. A half hour later and two hefty doses of the doctor’s special chalky goopy stuff I was feeling a little better. Turned out it was heart burn. When I asked what could have caused it at 11 AM the doctor asked how much coffee I’d had that morning….Hmm. Well I was a chain coffee drinker. You know the cigarette smoker who lights his next cigarette from the one he’s finishing….yeah. Well, I “lit up” the cold coffee in the bottom of my cup by refilling the whole cup with hot from the pot…probably 4 maybe 5 good-sized mugs that morning. THAT had caused the severe pain.

Now one would think I’d learn, but no, it took a few more months and a stomach that burned and stabbed constantly before I realized that all that coffee was not good. I cut back to one (okay, it was large) cup in the morning and another (smaller one, normal for most people) just before lunch. Then no more coffee! And basically, I’ve stuck to that pattern for I can’t remember how long and I love my coffee!

But Monday afternoon I just had a hankering for some hot coffee. It was gray and rainy and I just felt like a cup of good coffee would warm me up and brighten the day. I asked Rachael if she would drink some if I made a half pot. She said sure she would and I made the coffee while she was fixing supper. Turned out between then and eight o’clock she drank about half a cup and Vondi drank the rest! Bud-deeee! Did that get my heart pumping and my toes jiggling-until about 2:00 in the morning! I think I calmed down enough to sleep by around 3:30 and woke up again at 6:30. Of course I ran out of steam about two in the afternoon and fell asleep a couple hours which made me wide awake again when most people were sleeping, which messed up yesterday too.

For two days now my sleep pattern has been weirder than usual. Last night I finally got back to normal. I guess from now on I’ll leave the coffee alone after noon.

Good Morning Monday

What a wonderful start to my week. I was up early enough to fix a egg/cheese/ham muffin for Rachael..She had to leave at 6:30 this morning. Maxim came tearing downstairs as soon as I opened my door. Boy, that dog can hear. I declare I hardly breathed. Anyway I let everyone outside for their morning constitutional and fixed Rachael a bite to eat.

Then when I sat down for a few minutes until Michael would be up and moving, Notah called. Nothing terribly exciting, just saying Hi to Mom, but it's always good to hear from him. This is the longest I've gone without seeing him since he was born! Moms never change I guess. Their babies will always be their babies, no matter how old and responsible the grow up to be. What is kind of surprising is how we add our babies' spouses to the family in our heart. Now I have a second daughter and a second son. I never expected that.

I went in and fixed my second son two little mini-sausage biscuits. We talked a minute and he headed on, rushing out this morning because he had to stop someplace before work. I got myself some coffee and let the dogs back in. Everyone except me is sacked out snoozing. I've had such a peaceul day.

What a good Monday morning.

Ghost Towns

For someone who is to all intents and purposes, a ‘shut-in’ my days are really full! But now I’m back.

The other day I was looking for some scenery pictures of NM to put on my screen saver. A rich part of the history of the southwest is the many ghost towns. Small settlements would spring up for a while because of a mining strike or crossroads area; they would exist for a few years and then when there was a change in local circumstances would be abandoned. Sometimes the inhabitants took time to pack all of their belongings but other times they left with only food and clothing, leaving tables, chairs, stoves and other furnishings. The history is rich and intriguing.

There is a fascination in looking at the photographs of lives gone past. There is a degree of sadness attached also. You can’t help but wonder what events caused the moves that left the empty lonely rooms. The abandoned houses are slowly falling back into the earth.
I saw one photograph of a house in Tennessee (I believe.). After much peering I finally made out the remains of a chimney and some boards of a fallen roof beam. Everything else was covered with vines and bushes. Young trees had grown up where a woman cooked and children played. Wild animals have burrowed and lived under the decayed floors. It was a sad picture.

Those abandoned towns…Some of them the people probably left voluntarily, others had time to prepare for the departure. It is evident by the contents of the abandoned buildings. Some had evidently been prepared for the departure. Belongings had been packed and removed tidily and efficiently. And the people had left the empty house in good order. Others had obviously been forced to leave quickly and against their will. Their belongings were left scattered and broken with the empty buildings.


I thought how much it was a portrayal of the way we abandon our earthly bodies when God declares that our time on earth is ended. We leave it. Instantaneously. We take nothing with us. We “walk” away and abandon it.

Men and women may spend all their days furnishing their earthly life with fine things, but when God says “It is enough” they leave it all.

Those of us who have lived for the Lord have our affairs in order. We prepare for death and put away everything of importance. When the time comes to leave these empty houses we leave without a backward glance. We have the assurance that we are moving on to a better place.

The rest of the world spends their days collecting bits and pieces of earthly valuables, not necessarily concrete physical objects, but the trappings of emotional attachments and security. They are placing value on the things of this world rather than things immortal. When
God ends their time, they cling desperately to the things they have gathered until, at the last moment, they must leave it all behind.

But whether we have prepared or not, our earthly houses of clay fall back to the earth from which they were made.

My life is in order. My emotional valuables of earth are all packed away and disposed of. When the Lord calls, I can leave this house with never a second thought. There will be nothing to hold on to nor anything to regret leaving.

Now don’t worry, Notah, Rachael, Dianne, and Buster. I’m not being depressed and morbid but I was just thinking. Just remember But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you. Philippians 1: 22 -24

Memories

What a wonderful way to start my day! Notah called about two minutes after I woke up this morning. Nothing special, just called to say Good Morning.

He and Kerra have an anniversary coming up in a few days. I believe it is February 2, but for me their anniversary will always be Super Bowl Sunday. Why? The Sunday they were married was Super Bowl Sunday. Simple, eh? If it were ME, I’d just celebrate my anniversary on that Sunday every year. They could have an anniversary party every year when everybody gathers for the Super Bowl game! Hmmm. Kerra sticks to the idea that they should celebrate the actual date. Go figure.

They had a wonderful wedding. After morning service brother Arty simply reminded everyone to stay for the wedding and invited any visitors to remain too. Kerra’s family came to service that day and I drove down to Columbus too. They didn’t have an elaborate doin’s at all. Kerra just wore a plain white skirt with a pretty embroidered over blouse. Notah wore a khaki dress shirt and tie with matching pants. They both looked nice, but Keva and Seth stole the show.

At a secondhand store Kerra was actually able to find a long ruffled flowergirl/miniature bride dress for Keva. She wore that and white patented leather shoes. The pastor’s wife thought they all needed flowers so she created a bouquet for Kerra and a tiny bouquet and a hair wreath for Keva. She loved her dress and walked sooo carefully and primly as though her wreath and ribbon streamers would fall off if she moved too quickly. She came down the aisle before her mom and stood like an angel to the left in the bridesmaid’s spot.


Seth was Notah’s best man. He was dressed just like Notah except his pants didn’t fit quite as well because of his little pot belly and as they walked out before the congregation he messed up his tie. Notah had to stoop down to fix it; then rather than struggle, he stuffed it in his pocket (Seth was just 2, I think, maybe 3. He had this chubby little chin and no neck for a tie.) He stood fairly still with his arm wrapped around Notah’s leg and watched while his mom and sister came down the aisle.

As brother Arty started the preliminaries, Seth’s “stand still” time expired and he began wiggling around and tugging on Notah’s pants. Notah just reached down and picked him up. He put both arms around Notah’s neck and watched the congregation for the rest of the ceremony.

When brother Arty said, “You may kiss the bride,” he had to revise it and acknowledge “if Seth will let you.” Seth was peering at something in the back of the church building and when Notah leaned down to kiss Kerra, he stuck his head in between!

It was a beautiful ceremony! The words were the formal phrases but the atmosphere was focused on making a family of one man and a woman with two yearning children. It was friendly and loving with the couple’s families, and also the Church family included. The most special part for Seth and Keva was afterward.

Afterward the kids were finally allowed to call Notah “Dad” and me “Grandma.” Oh, how long they had looked forward to that! Keva tried out the “grandma” while we were having the refreshments. The kids were with me while mom and new dad were cutting cake and taking pictures, etc. I was talking with someone and as they walked away, I heard this little voice say, “Grandma?” I looked around and said, “What do you need, hon?” Keva grinned and stammered a bit then said something about her sandwich. The sandwich hadn’t been the point. She just wanted to try out the new name. And Happy day! Lo and be hold, it worked! I liked it, too!

What grand memories. Not only did the Lord save Kerra but He made her part of my family and gave me two great grandchildren in the process. I love them dearly and sometimes I’m surprised to suddenly remember the kids aren’t my biological grandkids. I find characteristice of the Bears and the Howes in them all the time! Wonderful, wonderful.

Love is an amazing thing, isn’t it.

Early Sunday Morning

I’ve been feeling very tired lately and I’m so thankful that I don’t need to struggle to get to work and take care of daily duties there anymore. I never realized how difficult it was until I could stop doing it. I never realized what a negative impact the weather had on my knees and my ability to walk until I was able to stay inside during bad weather. Now that I need not go out everyday when it is cold and wet I have much less pain than I did then. Of course, I’m not skipping rope or going on ten mile hikes, but the reduced pain is wonderful.

I just heard Rachael get up to go to work. She has to open today and Sunday mornings have extra task list that must be done to begin the week. I think I’ll go put a couple eggs on to boil so she will have a bit to eat before she starts the day. Otherwise she’ll just drink coffee.

When the doctor put me on a ‘carbohydrate free’ diet, she went on it with me, but it is only effective if you eat the protein and complex carbs regularly and don’t skip meals. I was put on the diet regimen because I was found to be borderline diabetic and that can be controlled by diet. Nice thing is it also results in weight loss! Rachael has lost a visible amount of weight since we began the first of December. LOL With me it is not so visible, but I’m trusting that it is accomplishing its primary purpose, which is to reduce my blood sugar.

Reducing the simple carbohydrates in our diet has been surprisingly easy. We eat no breads, pastas, rice, bakery products etc. or, of course chips, or snack foods Meats, cheese/milk/yogurts, nuts, fruits and vegetables are the basis of our my meals. Of course some fruits and vegetables have a higher number of complex carbohydrates so we also reference the glycemic index rating of those. By and large however, it has not been a strict, calorie counting, measure every bite process but basically just a change in what and how we eat. We allow ourselves one simple carb food per day. Toast for breakfast but then no others. Or if we want a potato for dinner we don’t do any simple carb for the other meals.

A great light blazed into my head the other day when I realized what much of the problem with traditional diets involved. With every diet I’ve ever been on I was counting calories and ignoring the carbohydrates. And unfortunately, the calories in the carbohydrate items-breads, pastas, potatoes-piled up fast and cut deep into the proteins and vegetables etc. It was a constant struggle to keep the calories low. With this simple carb free diet, the calories are reduced naturally and easily and I don’t miss them.

************
OKAY, Rachael is gone to work and I’m back. Just ate my own boiled eggs with a little serving of fruit and a half dozen low fat cheese cubes

I now have three dogs in my room snoozing away. Maxim, Sebastian and Mica got up with Rachael and ran outside to potty then Maxim and Sebastian decided to come in with me 'n' Gable instead of going back upstairs to hop in bed with Michael (Did I tell you it was 5:00 AM? -Just in case you think Michael is a lazy bones). I believe Maxim thought there was gonna be a whoop-de-do play time, but I soon put a stop to THAT!

Guess I’ll stop this here now and go do some Bible study. I surely miss not being able to be in services anymore. I miss the songs of God and the fellowship of sitting under the message of God. But the Lord has been faithful and my times with the Word are blessed.