Lift your your eyes

 

There’s a gospel song that goes, in part, “Lift your weary eyes and look above the shadows, all your many troubles will be gone…” 

I was thinking of that this morning as I was wrapped in my blanket sitting on the deck waiting for the dogs. The people next door have three dogs, neatly kept and well cared for, but scattered around and two boats parked in their yard.    The boats aren’t neatly parked but one was just left at an awkward angle on the slope of the hill.  It’s not particularly attractive, but it is their yard.  

Then the house down the hill from us has an old car, an old pickup, a camper and two boats squeezed behind their house and garage.   They are all crowded in among the natural sagebrush and bunch grass-- seems like tempting haven for rattlesnakes to me. 

Anyway, the combination of properties there aren’t what I’d like to see from our deck.  BUT, and here is where the song comes in, all I have to do is ‘lift my eyes above…’   Above the clutter I can see the sage and grasses in waves stretching to the mountains where the sun is sending its glow above their ridges.   I guess I could moan and grouch about the boats and the old cars, but the view above them is worth it all. 

And I was thankful for it.

Then I came inside and it was warm.  I went to the kitchen and turned on the water to run a pan of water to boil Rachael's breakfast eggs.  I remembered the day when I had to dip water from a barrel to cook or wash.  I was thankful for the stream of water running out of the faucet.  It was so easy. 

I set the pot on the stove and didn’t have to build a fire under it.  My Ma and Pappy had to do that. My mother in law had to do that. I learned to do that.  I know how, I can cook on an old wood stove.  I can cook on an open fire.

But this morning I was thankful I didn’t have to.

The Psalmist said, “I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help.”  I never considered the verse until I saw the mountains of New Mexico.   No matter what is happening in my life, no matter how I might worry, those mountains endure.  The Hand of God that placed them there is the Hand that controls.  He sends help when it is needed.

And for that we can be thankful.

Treasure hunters

If we are searching for natural treasures of this earth, we go looking in places where they are to be found. Precious gems are deep underground buried in rock and shale or tucked away in a little clam like creature deep underwater.  Precious metals are intertwined in a matrix of rock buried in the hearts of mountains.

We don’t expect to find those treasures sitting in our arm chair before a cozy fire.  If we want them we must go looking in the right places, deep in mines, drilling digging searching.  We bestir ourself and go after them.  Talking about searching does no good.  Speculating with others doesn’t help. Reading stories of men who found treasures is encouraging, but they put no diamonds in our hand. We must put the effort and sweat and time into finding them ourselves.

It is the same way with the treasures of Christ Jesus. If we want the pearls of great price and the gold tried in the fire they only come through our effort and sweat and time spent in the Word and in prayer before Him.  Talking about the riches of faith is of no use in establishing our own.  Speculating about the blessings He has doesn’t bring them showering over us. Reading and hearing accounts of the faith in other men and women doesn’t give us the faith to see the same miracles in our own. 

We only grow in Christ and achieve a strong faith in Him by spending time in the Word—not in other’s men’s explanations of it or in a short ‘devotion’ from a handy little booklet.  We must spend time reading and reading and reading the Bible while the Holy Spirit points out the gems of understanding he has particularly for us.  Then we gather those into our heart treasure to be held and pondered.  After years of reading and study with that great Comforter we find we have accumulated a treasure of gold tried in the fire and our faith will shine as a beacon to those weighted down with doubt and worry.

We live in a day of immediate gratification.  We want our goodies NOW.  Kids don’t think the should deliver papers or mow lawns to save for their expensive toys; the expect their parents to hand them over.   Teens don’t want to practice abstinence until marriage, they want their sexual gratification NOW. Young marrieds don’t want to start our in a three room apartment with an old stove and refrigerator and a table that tips at one corner.  They demand a house as nice as the ones they see on television, decorated with expensive furniture.  And they want it all NOW.

We have applied the same demanding greediness to our spiritual life.  We want to come to the Lord and immediately have a complete grasp of His Word.  We want to be able to pray and have our prayers answered immediately if not sooner.  We want to expound the scriptures to our friends and be regarded as a Man or Woman of Faith.  We want our treasures before digging them from the depths of the scripture.  We want the pearl of great price with out diving into the Word.  We want the gold without the refining fire.

It doesn’t happen that way.  We have to spend the time searching the Word.  We have to spend time in the fire.    “. . .unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ;  ³ In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.”  Colossians 2:2-3    ^“That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:” I Peter 1:7

Oh the Unsearchable Riches!

It’s been on my mind and heart since I got up this morning, maybe even before I got out of bed!  The Unsearchable Riches of Christ.   Unto me [Paul], who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ; Eph 3:8

 

 Colosians 2:2-3 tells us of the riches in Christ.  “That. . . hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ;  In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge”

The world is so caught up in the thought of material riches that the riches of Christ are worthless to them.  It is only the child of God who values those riches beyond silver and gold, houses and lands.  Here it says the ‘full assurance of understanding.’  Too often we rely on the understanding that comes from Man.  We send our youth to bible colleges; we spend hours with Bible study courses offered by different religious groups and preachers.  But so many ‘Christians’ today have never learned to rely on the assurance of understanding that comes from God.  We want to know the Bible but we don’t pursue the Holy Spirit’s gently and too-slow guidance.  We want the same instant gratification that the world seeks in their lives.  

I would never deny that we cannot learn a great deal through our intellectual capacity but we can never comprehend the riches of the things of God.  That comes only through the leadership of the Holy Spirit.  And very, very often it runs directly contrary to the things taught as ‘truth’ in Bible colleges and seminaries.  Only through the study of the Word while we are alone with the Holy Spirit and no other can we have the ‘full assurance of understanding” the ‘mystery of God.’  “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts  (Isa. 55:9)  So much time is wasted by men and women trying to understand the mysteries of God through the teaching of professors in Bible school.

Men and women can learn to carry out the tasks of pastorship.  They can learn to manage congregations and finances. They can learn the ways of dealing with people and diplomacy.  They can learn many things but NOT the mystery of God.  That comes only through the teaching of the Holy Spirit.  They sit under teachers or study courses outline all of the ‘doctrines’ of the Bible.  Then they go home and study those outlines and notes and say to themselves ‘the Holy Spirit taught me this.”  No it wasn’t the Holy Spirit, it was a Man.  The Holy Spirit teaches us from the Word and not written or spoken word from a Man. 

So many sincere and honest pastors stand in pulpits today and follow the leadings and teaching of Man and then wonder why their congregations aren’t prospering.  They say the standards of God for holy living are too stringent, that’s why the people aren’t flocking to their doors.   So they lighten up on the righteousness ‘angle’ and stress an entertainment program.  The congregation begins to grow and they say, “God is blessing us.”   No Satan is pleased and the people are gratified to be able tocall themselves ‘Christians’ without obeying the principles of God.

 This verse tells us of “all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” that are found in Christ.  This is not the knowledge of the world, nor does it make us wise in the ways of the world.  God desires to give us a knowledge of His Word and the path of righteousness; the teachers in the world cannot give us that.  In all actuality they would prefer not to follow it if they were shown it.  A nominal religion is much more comfortable.  There is no conviction for sin, there is no guilt for refusing to follow the Spirit’s pricking and there is no condemnation for sin. 

I am so thankful that I’ve learned of the Unsearchable Riches of Christ.  I may not know all about everything just yet.  But I’ve learned enough to make me yearn for more. 

river of peace

I love living for the Lord! It is so wonderful to wake up with a song on your mind and in your heart. What a blessing.

This morning, in that musing time between deep sleep and full waking, the hymn, River of Peace, came running through my mind. It had nothing to do with me because I hadn’t been thinking on peace the night before or even considering the subject, but there it was pouring it’s blessings through my whole being. “Oh, this river of peace Makes me perfect and whole; And its blessings increase, Flowing deep in my soul.:

The Lord spoke through Isaiah and said of His People, Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river (Isa. 66:12) That peace doesn’t come in the things of the world. There will always be wars and conflict, but within the heart of the child of God there is everlasting Peace.

Politicians and religious leaders and humanitarians go around talking of Peace and trying to legislate it or shame people into it. But world peace will never come through the auspices of mankind. Peace comes only through our fellowship with the Lord God. Natural men, men living in the flesh and for the flesh will never come to agreements and harmony. Every natural man strives only for himself, his own desire and benefit. Nothing except the love and grace of God within us can cause a man or woman to truly work for the benefit of others.

So the peace that was pouring through my soul this morning wasn’t that of  peace in the world or peace with among my fellow men. It was the Peace of God that passes all earthly comprehension. D.S. Warner wrote of that Peace more than a hundred years ago and it is just as true now as it was then. This kind of Peace endures.

The River of Peace

I’ll sing of a river divine,  Its waters from trouble release; More precious than “honey and wine,” That river, sweet river is peace.

It reaches from heaven to earth,  It issues from under the throne;  Great peace! oh, thy infinite worth! Sweet peace in my Jesus alone.

Oh, wonderful life-giving flood, Thy waters so crystal and pure  Make glad all the “City of God”; forever thy blessings endure.

Oh, Jesus, the tempest of sin  Is hushed into heavenly rest, Since tasting the pure, living streamThat flows from Thy crucified breast.

My moments as angels appear, All gliding so gently along  Each dropping a blessing so rare, Enraptures my soul with a song.

Refrain:

Oh, this river of peace Makes me perfect and whole;  And its blessings increase,  Flowing deep in my soul

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14: 27

(If you don't know the melody here's a link for it.  http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/River_of_Peace/

blessings

I didn’t sleep very well last night-in fact I hardly slept at all. I must have overworked my left leg yesterday because, in spite of ice and pain meds and positioning and massage, it ached from top to bottom last night. It must have been three when I finally fell asleep.

Rachael had to be at work this morning at six and Michael and his dad had a tee time at eight thirty. I woke up for a very few minutes when Rachael let the dogs out and brought them back in. No, that isn’t quite right. I woke up when she let them out. I realized later that she had brought them back in. I woke up again a couple hours later when Michael let the dogs out. ( lol Our lives center around the dogs!) I stayed awake a little longer that time because did talk with Michael a bit about the prospect of heat today and when he and his dad would be back from golf. He also mentioned when his mom and the kids would be back from Freddie’s house. That’s all I remember until about an hour later when I really woke up.

As I was getting around and getting dressed I was thinking about how wonderful it is to simply manage my very small portion of the world and not have to think about the bigger picture. I have no housekeeping to plan. I have no lawn work or gardening to worry about. I have very few bills to pay. I have no shopping to do and no groceries to buy. I could look forward to having Michael’s’ family visit but not have to worry about where they sleep or what to feed them. And all of those things are a very great blessing!

When I retired my only thought was of not having to go to work every day on knees that hurt beyond most people’s imagination. I only looked forward to trucking around my small house and having my dog and cats to care for. I hadn’t been in a grocery store or WalMart in probably ten years; I hadn’t done yard work in longer than that; and my house work involved straightening my bedroom and bathroom and keeping the kitchen counters clean. Dianne came once a week to do laundry and clean for me (I love her like a daughter and she did that for me as much from love for me as from the small amount I was able to pay her) Rachael came every couple or three weeks to do my grocery shopping and spiff up the house when Dianne couldn’t get there. I paid someone to do my lawn. Becky and Steve did the ‘in-depth’ landscaping for me: scrubbing down and paint the deck, weeding the flower beds and trimming the out of control bushes. (I loved having them and Connor with me for those few weeks. I know they needed the money, but I still appreciated their help. Hard to believe that Connor must be almost four years old by now)

One problem was the my SS income was not large enough for all of that to continue. Another problem was that Rachael and Dianne worried constantly about me being there alone with no close help. And the last problem was that Rachael’s job made it more and more difficult for her to get down and spend a couple days checking up and looking out for my needs.

So I decided to sell my house and buy a little one in the Columbus area. That would put me closer to her and Michael and looking out for me would take only a couple hours a week rather than a two hour drive and a rush to get every thing done that I needed.

As it turned out they decided to get a house with a ‘mother-in-law’ space and move me in with them. How wonderful this is! The relatively small (by today’s financial standards for retirement) amount of cash I have and my mediocre income is not stressed by my trying to keep everything going alone. I can give Notah and Kerra and Rachael and Michael occasional cash assistance for housing and other expenses and not have to skimp to stretch my small income..

Now here are my blessings. For most of the past 35 years, with the Lord’s help I’ve carried the entire responsibility of raising both of my kids, taking care of a house and property, making all the financial decisions for myself and the family, as well as carrying al the responsibility of the day care. I never resented that and I never, until the last few years, felt it was a burden. The last few years before retirement, I did sometimes wish for another human being to take some of the responsibility for the decisions.

Now it is wonderful. I live a lot of the year with Rachael and Michael. I live the other part of the year with Notah and Kerra ( and my fantastic grandkids!) They manage the house and all of the things contingent with being ‘adults.’ I need not worry about the electric bill or the mortgage. I don’t worry about doing the grocery shopping or buying clothes for the kids. I don’t worry about the yard work or keeping fences sturdy or grass mowed. I don’t worry about having the house clean for company or anything other that looking forward to seeing them.

I never planned, during the years, when I was raising my kids that the care situation would be reversed when they were grown. I never planned that they would take care of ME when I was old. But now I find them doing it out of love. Neither of them has ever expressed one breath of resentment for the circumstances. They do everything they can to make me feel loved and wanted in their homes.

Rachael has had the responsibility of getting me to doctors and the hospital and rehab for my knee surgery, but I know beyond any doubt that if I were with Notah and Kerra, they would do the same things that Rachael and Michael have done. I know they would have worried as much as they have about my care and comfort in rehab and been as scared as Rachael was when the doctor discovered a strange heart rhythm during my surgery.

Now it is almost time to move to NM for the summer and fall. I look forward to it. I look forward to my new mobility and being able to walk outside with only a cane and get around more freely. I look forward to being able to do a little cooking for Kerra and maybe clean a bit when she needs it. I look forward to being with them. Period.

Those are my blessings. God promised me when Louie died that I would live to see my kids raised to live for Him and being responsible adults. I felt that His Promise was fulfilled when I saw Rachael off to college. I knew my last chick had left the nest and my job was done. Every year since then has been a year of grace.

And now, my blessings have been multiplied by their care for me.

me 'n' God 'n' early morning

There’s something about early, early morning that I like. I think it’s the peace of being awake before the world wakes up. I like to sit here quiet with very soft music playing. It’s a time to think about things—not worrisome things or plans or what the day holds, but just to think about the Lord, about how much I love my kids, about happy things that have happened to me.

I used to wonder about Pappy, who would be up in the early morning reading his Bible or just looking out at the day. And now I understand. It is a good time of day.

I’ve never before been able to enjoy this time of day. When I worked at day care, I often woke up in the middle of the night--about this time really 3:30, 4:00. But then it was the stress and pressure of the job that made sleeping short. I had a lot of things to worry about and plan and thing through. It was never this peaceful, quiet kind of wakefulness. I was always trying to go back to sleep.

Then after the day care finally got moved, wakefulness was a habit and when I woke up it was a bother, because I knew I would be tired in the morning and I wanted to go back to sleep. But now it is a joy.

We’ve been talking about having my knees fixed and the possibility of surgery. And that’s good. But I wonder if having my knees repaired will alter the tempo of my days. I don’t want to lose this time alone with me and God and my thoughts. When the Lord healed Rachael of lymphoma, I told Him I wouldn’t bug Him about healing my knees and that promise has paid of in great spiritual dividends. Not being able to walk has left me chair bound and I spend hours some days, reading the bible and following different topics along as the Spirit leads. That’s a very good thing and I don’t want to lose it. I’m afraid if I were able to bop around and do this and that without thinking about the number of steps or the pain involved that I might get so busy with life that I would lose this quiet flow of walking quietly with the Lord.

There’s a peace in this kind of walk. I’ve always loved the Lord and I’ve lived for Him for most of my life—not just drifted along ‘being good’ but consciously made choices to do and be what He would have me to be. And that has been a blessing. But I’ve never been able to just be quietly in the center of His will with no need to get up and going. I know I was pursuing legitimate tasks and I was doing them within His Will. Up until now though, I’ve always had something that needed doing. I’ve always had my times of contemplation cut short by necessities. Now, now I can wake up at 3:30 and sit quietly in the peace with no driving need to go back to sleep so I can wake up in three or four hours and do something important. These hours alone in the dark become my important thing to do.

I used to like sitting in Notah’s old house and looking down across the valley and watching the lights come on, then the color shift from darkness to the lighter and lighter grays of the coming day. “My” window in the Angelo house faced west. So the view was different from watching the sun come up. It was like a window on how that rising sun affected the world. Maybe it wasn’t the blazing beauty of a desert sunrise but it was beautiful and gave me a backwards view of the coming morning.

Then when they moved to Tierra Grande I had a direct view of the Manzanos and the gradual lightening of the sky, the rising sun casting the mountain into relief as the first blush of light shone above it. Sometimes when there were no clouds the brightness seeped up across the entire sky. Other times when there were blowing particles in the air there would be fingers of light blazing up from behind the mountain. And other times, the clouds would put on a spectacular display of reflected and refracted and changing colors as the sun rose from its resting place of the night.

Here in Westerville, I don’t have the pyrotechnics of the sunrise, I have the wall of the neighbor lady’s house. But I still have the peace of morning and the sleeping neighborhood around me. This time of morning it is just me and God. And THAT is a very good thing.

is it really 'godly'?

I heard a new one the other day. Someone said that they had a ‘godly jealousy’ over their spouse. (The spouse was connecting only to another family member, not the opposite sex) Now Paul said he had a godly jealousy over the Church because he had a desire to see them serving the Lord in righteousness and not be tempted away by false doctrines. But I read of no place where a man or a woman can have a ‘godly’ jealousy over their spouse’s relationship with his or her birth family. That ‘jealousy’ is old-fashioned selfishness and resentment because the spouse is paying loving attention to those they grew up with. THAT kind of jealousy is NOT condoned by God.

Now that it comes to mind, I’ve seen over and over where church people take plain old carnal feelings and stick the word godly in front of it and suddenly, as though that word ‘godly’ is an abracadabra, it becomes okay. Godly anger, godly jealousy, godly hatred, godly wrath, godly lust, godly vengeance, godly miserliness --they all are dressing up plain old anger, jealousy, hatred, lust vengeance, etc. in a fancy suit to make it pass by spiritual review.

We are fooling ourselves. Simply putting the word godly before an emotion in no way makes it acceptable before God. Yet we see it happening all the time. A man gets mad because his wife spends some time with the other women of the congregation and he calls it a ‘godly jealousy’ or ‘godly anger.’ A woman is resentful because her husband controls her extravagant spending and she calls her attitude ‘godly concern’ for her family’s well being.  A man feels compelled to retaliate toward someone for a perceived betrayal or hurt, but since God says we are not to return evil for evil, he calls his course of action ‘godly vengeance.’ And it goes on and on.

Let’s be careful not to try and disguise carnality with a ‘godly’ camouflage.

Daughtry Sings National Anthem Cardinal Game 9-14

I always get goose bumps when I hear the Natinal Anthem sung in a crowded stadium, but lots of times the vocal quality isn't the best and you wonder if the singer really knows the melody of the song he's supposed to be singing. 

I found this rendition by Chris Daughtry.  The vocals are  beautiful and the melody really is that of the Star Spangled Banner instead of some modified version.  If there is ONE song in the world that doesn't need to be adapted to the "Artist's Style," it is the National Anthem

Great Job, Chris Daughtry!            

you get what you pay for

When we first moved to Westerville, R & M were shocked and I was appalled to discover how much the property taxes are. To say they were the highest that I had ever experienced is an understatement.

But within only a few weeks we found that, really and truly, ‘you get what you pay for.’ The city services in Westerville are the best I’ve ever seen. Within just a few days of our moving here, Michael was in the back yard with the dogs. He was in the process of putting up our fence, but there were as yet to be discovered gabs between the ground and the bottom of the fence. Sebastian found one of them while Michael was distracted and was gone! Panic ensued!

Michael ran in the house and grabbed his tennis shoes instead of flip-flops and ran out the front door to go and find him. In out little loop off Smoke Burr there was a city police car parked and another van from Westerville Animal Control. Of course, Michael knew why they were there. He hurried down to them and told the officer, “I think you have our dog.” Sure enough, there was Sebastian incarcerated in the back seat of the police care just like any common felon. Lol the police officr had called animal control to come and get him when he was found trotting along SUNBURY! Of all directions to go—Sunbury is the busiest street in the whole town! The officer had picked Sebastian up to keep him safe! The animal control only asked to see his license tag. Sebastian didn’t have his collar on!

Michael ran in and asked me if I knew where Rachael had put their dogs’ tags when we moved. I had no idea. All of the dogs had Tusc. county tags that first year. As long as they were moving around I kept getting the tags. Rachael had put the envelope with the tags in them ‘away.’ Michael rummaged in the obvious places and finally resorted to taking the collar and tag off Gable to show to animal control. (You better believe Rachael found Sebastian’s the same night!--the little escape artist!) Both animal control and the police were pleasant and helpful. Amazing.

I wrote last fall about Gable’s little escapade with the police when he took off on a jaunt around the neighborhood because a utility person had not latched the gate! Why do these things always happen when they’ve just had a bath or for some reason don’t have a collar on? We keep collars and tags on the all the time it seems. Anyway, the police had found Gabriel that time too. They called us the next morning and said they thought they’d found him. When they found out that I couldn’t come and get him, they brought him to me! Never in 65 years have I heard of police being so helpful and cooperative! Never!  And forget about the police returning your dog! The best they do is call the dog catcher!

And now the epitome of community service! The Westerville Electric company has been burying the electric wires in the community. We got a notice last week or two weeks ago that they would be doing the work. Get this! The notice said that they would be taking video so that any property disturbance could be returned to its original appearance! Amazing.

Every town I’ve ever lived in has said, “Oh by the way we are fixing electric wires, you’ll have to replace your landscaping, we had to mess it up to fix the wires.” And they left the home owner with the mess.

Westerville came in and worked all day getting the wires buried. They had to take out the whole corner of Barry’s fence but they put it back! And fixed everything up again just like it was and were apologetic about it! Maybe they do that where you live, but never where I’ve lived!

A couple times we’ve had a problem with the power and sometimes one of us had to call to say this is our problem, do we need to let you know. Now I’ve called AEP before when my power was out. I NEVER got a pleasant answer; usually it was a very short response that said basically, “Keep you pants on, whiney. We’re working on it.” Click. Barely civil, never mind polite or forthcoming with information.

Westerville is a different story. Not only is the representative polite, but gives you complete information about why the power is off and when you can expect it to come back on. THEN they ask you if there is anything else they can do! Mind boggling.

Roads are always cleared before any of the surrounding area. R &M say that you can tell exactly where the city limit line is drawn because you hit snow and ice and desolation!

Any kind of trash or lawn clippings or shrub and tree trimmings can be put at the curb with trash and are picked up with no complaints or hassle about whether or not they are eligible for pick up. We even put an old chair down there; a truck came by an hour or so after the trash pick up and got it. Even the masses of trash accompanying Christmas are handled quickly and efficiently!

Trash never sits by the road for three days making the homeowner call and say why hasn’t my trash been picked up, only to be told—oh we had a new man on. Your trash was on the wrong side of the mailbox and he didn’t know if it was supposed to be picked up! Idiots! It was on my property in MY registered trash container that THEY supplied. Stupid.

Like I say, the taxes may be high, but the standard of service is equally high. And there is a lot to be said for civility and courtesy in all situations.

random thoughts

It’s almost dawn on our hill in Belen. The sky is gray outside my window. I can see the lights in the valley. I love watching morning happen. In Ohio we are surrounded by houses and trees. It is pretty but there is something very special about seeing the sun rising over the mountains with miles and miles in between me and the light. Sun actually rises today at 6:08. That’s what the weather people said. Sun-up is neat but so is the slow lightening that comes just before it.

My days here now are limited. I’ll be going home the second week of June. My blood sugar readings have been elevated off and on for several weeks now. When I talked to my doctor she said she needed to see me before the fall, when my appointment is scheduled. I have to call today and get the actual date changed. Rachael can come for me in June, but after that she will be in Management Training. So I'll be home on June 18.

I just discovered this morning that I absolutely can’t deal with stress any more. The other day, Kerra was talking about a TV documentary series they follow called “Ice Road Truckers” I used to watch it with them last year. She asked if I followed it in Ohio too. I told her I’d watched a couple episodes but had stopped because it was just to nerve-racking for me. We both laughed and went on to talk of other things.

This morning early I saw a program that had some sort of suspense involved as I flipped past on my way to the four AM news. I paused and watched a minute and discovered that the threat of danger and anxiety made me nervous. I flipped on past it quickly. That made me begin thinking-- I DO avoid stress today. Now that was a surprise. In any situation, I can not face any kind of nervous tension.

Thinking back, I came to the conclusion that I had lived with constant pressure from the day Louie died. I didn’t notice it particularly because the Lord was there to help me deal with it and it was necessary all during the years of raising my kids alone and working to support them. For almost all of those years I was a day care director and the multitude of decisions and disciplinary difficulties (for both kids and staff) were always present. I dealt with them as they came and although I nearly bought stock in the Tums company a few times, I managed it with general serenity. I raised my kids with all the decisions and complications involved in the lives of active children. I faced the dangers accompanying my son's skateboarding and an accident prone daughter. I trusted the Lord to take care of them even when I knew the hazards involved. It was part of life.

NOW, however, I become very nervous and ‘quivery’ inside when any kind of conflict is apparent, or there is any need for confrontations or any situation where there is serious possibility of physical hazard or where involved decisions are required. I take almost any avenue available to avoid it. I will let people be rude to me. I will let people take advantage of me. And I will even cry in private at other people’s pettiness or wounding actions, but never call them on it. And I most particularly refuse to watch a stressful movie or documentary or cartoon! I don’t even read deeply controversial books or even get too involved in today’s politics! I could never manage to deal with the stress of running the day care. How strange

* * * * * *
Every week I get an email from the Pharo Cattle Company. The author of the devotionals is Kit Pharo. He and his family have developed a line of range raised, grass fed beef cattle which thrive without the necessity of additional grain and silage feedings. These smaller range fed beef cows cost less to raise, have heavier meat ratios and result in higher profits per pound. Facinating. Anyway, he is a sincere child of God and sends a weekly devotional and also an update on his ranch production. This Wednesday he posted a little personal experience that I thought I’d include here. His thoughts reflect mine. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Enjoy!

Listen To The Birds –

Every morning, I wake up to some of the most beautiful music in the world. This spring, like most springs, there are at least six different varieties of song birds just outside our open bedroom windows. They all have a different song to sing – but for some magical reason they sound really GREAT when they all sing their individual melodies at the same time.

The singing gets off to a very soft and soothing start around 4:30 am when there is just a hint of light in the eastern sky. By 5:00, as the volume is increasing, the mourning doves and ring-necked doves will join in with their cooing. Soon after that the grackles will get started. I very much enjoy listening to the large great-tailed grackles – but you cannot classify the noises they make as music. They have at least five unique and different sounds. If you didn’t know better, you would assume that each sound was being made by a different type of bird.

Early morning is a special time for me to talk to God while I listen to His beautiful creation. It is hard not to wake up happy. The singing usually lets up considerably by 7:00 in the morning. I assume this is because many of the birds have dispersed to look for food and/or to tend to their nests.

If you are interested in knowing more about his cattle raising practices or you want to receive his devotionals and emails Here is the contact information. Kit Pharo Pharo Cattle Co. Cheyenne Wells, CO
Website: www.PharoCattle.com

I just enjoyed his thoughts on listening to the birds.

why is it?

Why is it do you think, that people get all excited talking about the ‘rapture’ and the ‘millennium’ and prophecy, but no one has any enthusiasm for the more meat and potatoes teachings about living faithfully and righteously before the Lord.

I see enthusiastic discussions about what is going to happen in the end time when Jesus “raptures” His people away and rings down terrible tribulation and wars and awful things on those remaining (and those who are left here will still have a chance to get right with God during those terrible times…) And people seem to gloat because they think that, of course, they are not going to be here for those things, but THEN, they say, He is coming back and everyone gets all enthused about the wonderful times He will usher in for a thousand years. Hmmm not much is said about after that though. Wonder what happens then.

But just mention living free from sin and destroying the fruits of unrighteousness and there isn’t a peep of enthusiasm. They get a little bit more energetic when we speak about the fruits of the spirit because those are all positive things that people think they display. Everybody likes to see themselves as being loving, kind, patient, peaceable, longsuffering, and gentle. They like to see themselves as full of goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. And if those things aren’t within them they would rather not look too closely inside themselves.

But they don’t like to see their real selves when there is hiding within them: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. (Galatians 5; 19-23 NIV) That is why it is easier to think about the wonderful things that will be happening to the Christians in the rapture and the awful things that will come after it for those sinners (of which they are certainly not one!)

But the Word tells us to lay ourselves open to God and ask Him to search and see if there is any unrighteousness in us. (Psalms 139:23-24) We have to leave this searching up to the Lord for Jeremiah tells us the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked; who can know it? (Jer. 17: 9-10) When we open ourselves to God’s searchlight it will seek out and expose every wicked thing within us. It will give us grace and power to root out that sin within us. Then comes the victory that makes the true child of God rejoice—the sure knowledge that they are walking in righteousness with victory over sin and living a life set aside and sanctified for the Lord’s use—Those concepts not only leave them silent, but almost angry.

When we mention those things, possible only by the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives granted when we sell out fully to God, when we mention those things we are accused of self righteousness and hypocrisy. When we are told by Paul to present our bodies, a living sacrifice to God, wholly acceptable which is our reasonable service, people don’t want to hear it. But talk about living and reigning with Christ for a thousand years --whoo, buddy!-- Let’s jump up and down and shout.

Praise the Lord. We don’t have to wait till sometime in the future to live and reign with Christ we can do it now! Amen!

Do you triumph, O my brother,
Over all this world of sin?
In each storm of tribulation,
Does your Jesus reign within?

o Refrain:
I am reigning, sweetly reigning,
Far above this world of strife;
In my blessed, loving Savior,
I am reigning in this life.

One we hail as King immortal,
He did earth and hell subdue;
And bequeathing us His glory,
We are kings anointed, too.

Shall we then by sin be humbled?
Must we yield to any foe?
No, by heaven’s gift we’re reigning
Over all this world below.

Oh, what grace and high promotion,
That in Jesus I should be
Raised from sin to royal honor,
Even reigning, Lord, with Thee.

All this life is blissful sunshine,
Earth is subject at our feet;
Heaven pours its richest blessings
Round our throne of love complete.

Then we’ll sing and shout the story,
Of the wondrous blood divine;
Full salvation, glory, glory!
I am reigning all the time.

o Refrain:
I am reigning, sweetly reigning,
Far above this world of strife;
In my blessed, loving Savior,
I am reigning in this life.
http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/Reigning_in_This_Life/midi/

What wonderful Joy !

my computer was unplugged

This morning I’m thinking about how difficult life must be for the handicapped. I am somewhat handicapped because my knees simply don’t work. I talk about them all the time because they so limit my world. I often wonder exactly what is wrong with them. I’ve never been able to afford an x-ray or CAT-scan or MRI or any of those diagnostic things.

I hurt each of them in falls. The left one I hurt when I stepped off the wrong side of a step stool while painting our 10 foot kitchen ceiling. The doctor said I ‘hyper-extended’ it. Translation: I bent it backwards. He wanted x-rays but that wasn’t something I could in anyway afford at the time. So his second option was to tell me to stay off of it for a couple weeks. Well, yeah. That was gonna happen. I had two kids and a huge old house. We slept upstairs and did laundry in the basement. I did use a cane or crutches as much as possible, but you have trouble fixing a meal on crutches so I compromised and hobbled around holding on to the counters. As soon as it stopped hurting except for ‘just a little’ I abandoned the crutches and cane completely and just walked anyway. It hurt but not more than I could live with.

The second knee I did a few weeks later. I was going out the back door with a pan full of cat food in my hand. If you’ve ever fed cats, you know how anxious they are when there is the remotest possibility that you might give the food to someone else! They were all twisting around my feet and in an attempt to avoid stepping on a cat, I danced right off the side of the back stoop. It wasn’t very high, maybe six inches, but the leg I stepped off on was my bad one, so I did a little jig and landed on my right leg, consequently doing exactly the same thing to my right knee. I’m not sure I even went to the doctor for the second one. It was a long time ago.

I believe I tore the tendons in both knees. At any rate, my knees pretty much bend whichever way they want. It is a weird sensation to have a two year old grab you around the legs and feel a knee bend backwards or to have a big dog squeeze between your crutch and your leg and feel one bend sideways. It doesn’t even hurt exactly, just a clicking or snapping feeling. I always worry it won’t go back where it belongs, but so far, thank the Lord, it always has.

The situation has been further complicated because I’ve not been able to hike and walk and do the things I did before I hurt my knees. The lack of exercise has prompted a weight gain which has contributed to arthritis in my knees and, I’m sure, an extensive erosion of the cartilage.

I don’t know what the x-rays must have looked like when the Social Security office required that I be examined by their doctors for my Disability application. It must have been shocking because my application was approved the very first time. That is unheard of in the annals of Social Security bureaucracy.

So, I’m ‘disabled,’ but not to the extent that many are. This morning it came home to me what their lives must be like.

I’m forced to keep my knees and feet elevated most of the time with pillows supporting my knees and lower legs. Propping my feet on a foot stool or hassock for any length of time doesn’t work because it allows my knees to flex backwards. After a while that becomes extremely painful and I have trouble bending or straightening my legs. Standing is difficult and yeah, that hurts, too. Walking is nearly impossible until I have allowed my knees to adjust to just plain standing. Sitting with them bent in a normal position results in the same kind of problem but with added swelling in my knees and subsequent circulation difficulty in my feet.

Anyway. I finished my trekking around with the dogs and my breakfast and my clean up and so forth this morning and finally I sat down in ‘my’ recliner. (It’s not really my recliner, but Notah’s family didn’t have a recliner until I came to visit. Then he made it a point to get one. While I’m here it’s ‘mine’ because it is the only place I can sit comfortably. ) I got myself set down and settled with my pillows in place and my laptop propped up in front of me. When I reached for the cord I discovered it was unplugged! How much trouble is that for you? You twist around and plug it in, or if you can’t reach you jump up, turn around duck down, stretch back and stick it in the wall. It takes what? Two minutes, maybe?

For me it was a major undertaking. First I had to maneuver my recliner to the upright position. The handle doesn’t work to lower the foot rest. It is designed to just go down with lower leg pressure. Well, I can’t apply lower leg pressure. My knees have no strength in them to press my calves onto the foot rest. So I have to lean forward and pull with my hands on the armrests until I can shift my body weight forward enough to counterbalance the foot rest, which then goes down. I remove the two pillows I use to support my knees and put them to the side. I reach for my crutches, always propped within arm’s reach. My knees won’t just ‘stand me up’ like a normal person’s do. Standing up is again a process of counterbalancing my weight over my knees. I can’t describe how I do it—just a way I’ve developed to continue leading a semi normal life. It isn’t graceful, I guarantee.

Once I’m standing I use the crutches to maneuver the couple of steps around the arm of the chair and back in the space between the chair the window and the wall. Then I put the crutches behind me against the window frame and hold to the chair and the wall while I stretch back, keeping my knees straight, barely able to reach the plug. A normal person would stoop down and lean back and plug it in.

Getting up and turned around again is another studied procedure. I used my hands and arms to ‘walk’ along the chair arm until I am upright. Again I reach for my crutches and duck-walk with them in the little semi-circle until I’m again in front of my chair. Sitting down is easy. Leaning back in the chair is easy. Situating the pillows under my knees and lower legs is a bit of a hassle, but once it is done my knees stop hurting.

I lean back, put the blanket over them (if there is any draft across them, they ache) and pick up my computer. I prop it on a long tubular foam pillow and plug the power cord to it. I’m ready to go. A two minute process takes me at least eight or ten.

Wild isn’t it. But I didn’t write this to make anyone feel sorry for me. I do just fine. My kids love me and help me constantly. My daughter-in-law loves me enough to come 1800 miles to get me in the spring and my daughter loves me enough to come and get me on her vacation in the summer or fall. I’m good. BUT, the next time you see someone on crutches or in a wheel chair remember this little discourse. Think how the simple process of plugging in a computer takes me longer than it has probably taken for you to read this. Think how involved such a simple action is for me and imagine how vastly more difficult it must be for someone who doesn’t have a loving family to support them and is even more handicapped than I am.

I'm blessed.

it's going to happen!

How is it possible to have two homes? And to love them both? Notah called this morning (he had to go into work today to meet a delivery) After we had talked about Thain and the kids and the lousy weather here in Ohio, he said that all the reservations had been made for Kerra and the kids to come and get me in March! I’m going home for the summer! They will fly back east and then drive me back. Now it's real! I'm going back.

How strange is it to love our house on the lake here in Ohio and to love my room and my chair and my window where the cats sit and look for birds; I love sitting on the deck in the morning and having my coffee and watching the dogs play in the our quiet yard or sit at the dining room table and look out at the deck where the bird feeders are. I love all that and still, at the same time I feel like a piece of my heart stays in the desert forever. How can I love the desert with every fiber of my being even while I love it here with Rachael and Michael just as much?

I’m already anxious for the big skies and the open space across the miles to the mountain that I look at from my bedroom window at Notah’s. I’m anxious to see if the roadrunner still makes his rounds of the front yard in the mornings and to listen for the mocking bird in the tree just out from the kitchen window. And I want to smell the fragrance of sage brush and juniper on the morning air as I sit at my door to welcome the rising sun like any good Navajo.

Here in Ohio I have a beautiful desert room with golds and browns and deep deep orange. I have my mother’s Navajo rugs on the walls and my horse herd picture on the one wall with the cowboys and mountain picture on the other wall. It’s a room that fits me perfectly.

And in New Mexico I have a cozy room, not as large, equally cozy and comfy. But I don’t need a big room when the whole desert is right there on the other side of the window. Look! How can you not love this? Don't talk to me about the desolate desert!



I love it! (Oh yes. These aren't clouds. Manzano Mountain had a massive forest fire two years ago. Kerra took a picture of the smoke cloud for me.)

winter quiet

I’m sitting here listening to quiet Christmas music and playing facebook games. It is so quiet and peaceful. I love my room here at Rachael and Michael’s house. They have made it so comfortable for me. It’s cozy.

The wind is blowing hard outside and every so often there is a blast of dead leaves or water drops against my window. I can see the top branches across the way moving pretty vigorously in the wind, but down here on the ground, the bushes just outside my window are barely moving. But it all makes me seem more cozy -- especially the blasts of leaves against the window. Of course there isn’t even a draft in here, but those leaves let me know how nasty it is outside. It was 44 degrees when I got up at 5:00 AM and the weather man says it is 50 now. Pretty warm for December! Our local weather station also does a “feels like” temperature and THAT says 38. That is more in keeping with what it “looks like” outside too. I’m glad I’m in here watching the wind blow.

It occurred to me to wonder just where all the leaves are coming from and whee they are going! They are big leaves. They look like buckeye leaves or horse-chestnut leaves or hickory-big spear head shaped leaves. They come blasting through between our house and the lady next door. All the leaves were off the trees all around us. And this being Westerville, with lots of property conscious people, the fallen ones had already been all raked up. Not only that, I don’t remember any buckeye or chestnut trees around us anywhere close. I think there is a hickory tree just behind us, but it’s been empty of leaves for weeks. Wherever those leaves are from and wherever they are going, they are certainly doing it all in a rush!

My little Gable is snuggled up between my leg and the chair arm, snoozing away. Maxim is sleeping among the pillows on the bed and Sebastian is curled up in his own bed, which is on my bed. Everyone is sleeping soundly. That’s quite a different story from what it was at ten o’clock when they had their potty break. The blowing wind made them all invigorated! They came jumping and tearing across the yard like the wind was pushing them. They bounced in the door and the first words out of my mouth were “Settle down!” They are funny.

DirtyFace is the only cat visible at the moment. I have no idea where Cloudy and Andy are. Andy likes to sleep behind my chair or under the table beside it. Or maybe he’s in his ‘apartment’ house that Michael brought him. (Michael complains that he doesn’t like cats, but he’s the one who always buys them super-sized toys!) Cloudy is probably in his closet bed.

All’s quiet in my world.