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Thursday, May 6, 2010

heart hurts

I am having another problem with my computer. I attempted very foolishly I guess to post on the wall of Facebook and NOW my page is ‘encrypted’ just like my yahoo email. Oooh! It is so frustrating!!

So anyone from Facebook who happens to read this: That’s the reason you haven’t seen anything of me. And please, take my warning! Facebook is a very dangerous place to be, even if you are only posting on the wall!

I’ve had a very complicated few days or week. My blood glucose, since a just after I arrived in NM, has been steadily climbing. My readings in March were generally below 110, often in the 90’s. In the last three or four weeks, they have risen about 20 points. I see a trend developing that will put me into the diabetes range soon, if not already. And I can’t seem to control the readings with what I’m eating…and keep in mind I’m NOT eating mashed potatoes and doughnuts, etc. The numbers shouldn’t be climbing.

I’ve also been excessively tired. Some days it has seemed like too much of an effort to even go and fix something to eat or wake up to go to the restroom. This is unusual too. My sleep patterns have been erratic for years—ever since before the day care moved to a new location. At that time there were so many problems involved that whenever I tried to go to bed I’d begin rolling all the lists over in my mind and I couldn’t sleep. So I got in the habit of sitting up in my recliner and running the late night tv info-mercials and home shopping network. That was minimally interesting and would distract my mind from the daily problems involved with getting everything done at the day care. After a little while I would fall asleep, but lots of times I would wake up with other decisions to be made running through my mind.

Often I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, even in the face of faces exclaiming over the wonders of the newest wrinkle remover. So I would be awake for several hours. This became so much of a routine that it persists to this day. I no longer have things to worry about but I’m just wide awake at 230 or 300 in the morning. Or I fall asleep at ten o’clock and wake up at three all read to go and stay awake for the rest of the day. As long as I slept for about six hours I felt fine.

This has never made me exceptionally tired—from time to time I would take an afternoon nap, but it was never a regular happening. But for the last couple weeks I’ve been so tired that it worries me.

On top of all that Rachael’s training date has gotten fudged around and the dat she would be able to come after me changed. Finally she said she could come and get me in June or not till November first. We talked about whether Notah could take me home sometime… All of that with the blood glucose and tiredness has had me in a real emotional turmoil.

Finally when my blood sugar reading hit 140 fasting, I told Rach to come along and get me. Now I’ve cried until my eyes were swollen and sore for two days even when I’d run out of tears. I hate to leave NM, but for a lot of reasons I guess it will be best.

I hate it because I worry that Notah will be upset at me or Rachael for me going home. Or think I love Rachael more than them. Or whatever… I had thought I’d be here till September, and not I think it will be better if I go in June and see my doctor. They are also in the process of moving and selling this house and I think I’ll just be in the way here while they have other things on their mind… I know they have things to do and I think it will be easier if they don’t have to think about getting special food items for me and when they will get home to check on me.

So I guess, I’m going back to Ohio. At least I was here for these past months and saw the sunrise over the Manzanos and sat in the sun and played with Chloe and saw my grandkids. And got to go to church with them for a few services… And sat the new house they are hoping to buy.

That will be all right until next year.

1 comment:

  1. I think a lot of the problems with Facebook come from using the applications that are available there-- like Farmville, YoVille, Aquarium, and so forth. Also, you have to be careful what links you click on. I rarely get involved with anything but just what people post in their statuses. So far, I've not had any problems getting infected with stuff that would mess up my computer.